Days come and gone.date is changing everyday,time moving every moment,but somehow my heart still there,with the old thinking.i thought my mind will change since that day.i could be happier and at least i can concentrate in my studies.but i actually i consider i have immune and calm down to face every problem.
it's simple,just close your eyes,deep breath and smile inside your heart.and then forget.
but the pain gone,scar still there.you still continue with what you carry along.living with people,what i only think of is "am i done something wrong and made people angry/upset without realise." "are they hating me?if not why the don't.../treat me like..."frankly,such of thoughts never ever leave me even only one minute when i 'm with people.i'm so worry doing something wrong.it's damn stress and irritate my nervous system.
it's simple.you just need to sit there and zip you mouth.don't do anything.
do you know?i feel what i feel previously.i afraid and so scared.i dare not back to my place.i feel like crying when standing in front of my house.i need to go through it and challenge myself.
crying is not something bad for sometimes.you should feel happy when you still have tears and brave to cry it out all your sadness.i've buried it for such a long time.when i was released,it's terrible.like a psycho.i was crying like this when i broke off with my ex instead of the having the toothache last time.
the closest one maybe not know you the most but still are the person that take care of you.but sometimes i lost direction in the complicated relationship.yes,i'm still typically adolescent like what ms.tang taught.i really take relationship as the most important thing in my life currently.i care about everything.of my friends.
my mood is swinging by them.when they close to me i'm flying but most of the time i feel i'm living in my own planet.a lonely planet.maybe i have a only closest friend accompany me in my planet.yes,i appreciate it still.because she make my life and give me hope.she never stop telling me i'm thinking too much and nobody isolated me.she keep giving me hope and never leave me when i'm in trouble.
today,i still afraid back to this place because i don't know how to facing people.maybe is me isolated myself.i feel like escape and give up everything i had now.i need space and supports...and i hope my dreams come true.
thank you so much.sz and wm.if not,i don't know what should i do and how am i now....
My class is freaking cold and it makes me feel so sleepy then keep yawning but i think the lectures are so so so boring too.me totally cannot tahan anymore,help me!now i'm wearing three jacket/cardigan/scarf to get warm.hmmm,maybe need a big big warm hug X)
Another new week start.not a very good Monday again.how bad it was.
I'm not good in comfort people.i always know some people need a space/time to go through when down.but i forget--is SOME people,not everyone.maybe this is the biggest mistake i did.
She was crying there.and she is my close friend,and means a lot to me.but somehow i just dare not walk towards her,give her a warm hug or ask what is making her sad.i'm such a loser.
i'm scared and shy.i'm self-abased.
I worry actually i'm the person hurt people.I scare i'm not the person should take care of it,because they don't need mine.maybe they never take me as their friend too.and i much more scare of I'm doing the wrong thing even i just just just wanna make them feel better.So,what hanjie can do is pass them a note/sms when everyone is done every procedure to cheer up people.this is the only way i can express my caring.for people,it's not truthful and sincere.
my mood swing and swing since morning.what had happened had pulled me deeeep.i don't know what happen to me,totally.hope i'm home now and escape from these very interrupting and heart-break matter.home can bring warm and light up my little hope again.but seem like parents are upset with my brother,i can't bring them any trouble on my case anymore.i'm nearly 20,should be more independent and solve everything myself.
i really need a rest and recharge to start my journey.when i found my tears is rolling and my eyes is pulling it back.now tearing in the heart.
i want those old days back to me.maybe everything will getting better when i put a smile.
The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad.
SINGING:JUST LOOK UP,WE ARE UNDER THE SAME STARRY SKY
hmm.living here for nearly half year.short but seem we know everybody well.it kinda different compare with my previous hostel life.we live together, experience everything new together,study together,laugh and cry together 24/7.in short,we're never separated,in this 3 years.
well,either good or bad.you can know the people better/best.how she live/what is her favourite and hate/everything you will know not in your control.you might be get closer or further when you trust everything you see.no doubt,nobody is perfect even myself. I'm weak,i know.
I‘d like to be frank with you,there's people i dislike too but not even the HATE stage.In this condition,i feel so bad when i found myself is doing this and it's unforgivable.why not?to love is easier than to hate.when you're hating people,you'll try to find out the mistake and various point to insult.it's tired,right?and your world is getting worse because of him.you could become ugly and not approachable.i'll try to correct it asap when i'm hating people.i don't hope people hate me too in the same way.
i understand that i'm small and people even can't see me.my studies is bad,personality is up in the air.sometime i prefer alone to gather,can do anything i want by following my feel,i love my friends but most of the time i don't get them because i'm not living for my ownself.we're living together,friends for life.
like now,everyone is outside and happy in the living room but i'm alone in room.not i'm ecentric and unsociable.just scared.i worry once i step in,the room will become embarrassing.i better don't break the pleasant there.sometime wish to call up everyone have a outing/a simple meal together.i just afraid.i can't afford to hear the word "no" and somewhat reluctant to fulfil me.no point at all.
always persuade to myself :dear,it's ok,everything is getting better soon,it's not so terrible like what you imagine.everyone experiencing this normally.when i feel lonely,feel friend-less,feel down,...but you should try to accept and adapt it to decrease any negative thinking...
I still miss my friend,i love my friend though they are just around me.in my only heart.
"Knowledge cannot replace friendship,i'd rather to be idiot than lose you"